Where I Stood
by yourgreeneyes
Summary: Just a small somewhat AU one-shot about Casey's feelings about the break up and how she feels about Rebecca. Cappie/Casey. Song is Where I Stood by Missy Higgins. I highly recommend the song. Please read and review!


**OK, another new story for you all. I love writing and I'm sorry I keep you waiting with Learning to Love. I'm working on the chapter. Should come up next week. Unfortunately, summer is coming to an end and school starts next Wednesday, so updates will take even longer. I'm really sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Greek. If I did, Evan would be with Ashleigh, Rusty would be with Jen K or Rebecca, and Casey never would have left Cappie. Which is why I'm not the director/writer. What fun would no drama be?**

**Please read and review!!**

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_**I don't know what I've done  
**__**Or if I like what I've begun**_

Casey sighed, walking down the sidewalk. She glanced back at the big house, a light going off in one window. _His _window. What had she done? She pulled her coat closer around her body, tucking her chin deeper into the fabric. She shivered slightly. The cold wind whipped her face. She tugged her hat farther down her ears, shoving her hands back into her pockets. He never would have let her stay cold, even if he froze himself. Guilt gnawed at her stomach. She knew she still loved him. Then why had she left him?

_**But something told me to run  
And honey you know me it's all or none**_

She started to jog back to the ZBZ house. She should have brought Ashleigh for back-up. She hadn't expected tears. From him or her. When she was with him, she never felt connected to her body, she just floated. Floated around until she left, when she gradually landed. And Casey didn't like that feeling. Well, she did, but she knew it was a bad sign. So she began slowly easing away, unintentionally. More…mentally. And she couldn't give half of herself…that just wasn't the Casey Cartwright she knew. So she ended it, much to her dismay. Her mind told her too.

_**There were sounds in my head  
Little voices whispering**_

She opened to door to the sorority house, letting the warmth enfold her like a blanket. She sighed in content, but the feeling didn't last long. Well, no, her mind wasn't the _only _thing that told her to leave him. There were Frannie, and Evan, Ashleigh didn't think he was good enough for her, and Rebecca didn't think she deserved anybody. They told Casey it was either him or them. Casey pulled her coat off, and slipped her hat off her blonde head. She sighed again, this time in guilt and anxiety. Maybe Ashleigh could help. So she didn't approve of him, didn't see what she saw, but Ashleigh listened to her, and helped her with every problem, regardless of who the problem was with.

_**That I should go and this should end  
Oh and I found myself listening**_

Frannie and Evan and Rebecca. The three people who told her to leave, to keep her place in the Zeta Beta Zeta sorority. She knocked softly on her best friend's door, but no reply came. She peeked in but Ashleigh was gone. Probably off with Calvin or someone. She groaned inwardly, closing the door softly and slipping into her own bedroom. Casey had listened to them. Listened to the three people that told her to leave her boyfriend. That wasn't fair, was it? Well, she had her own reasons not to stay with him, but…did that really count? Of course it did, she was just looking for a reason to blame someone else, even if it was partly their fault.

-2 MONTHS LATER-

_**'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should**_

So Evan was gone. Just days ago she had ended it with him too. Once again, not giving her full self. And he was dating again. Oh, how her heart ached. Casey didn't know why she hated it. It had been two months. Where was the Casey who didn't know what she wanted to be? Where was the Casey who she knew and loved? The Casey who laughed and partied, but stuck to her studies? Where was _she_? Where was _Casey_? Well, that Casey must be somewhere else. Somewhere where she wished she could be. She should still be that person, even without him. But for an odd reason, she couldn't even come close.

_**And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should**_

Casey dropped down onto her bed. ZBZ presidency. Casey Cartwright, Zeta Beta Zeta president. That's who she was. Sometimes, she didn't want to be. She lay down, staring up at the ceiling. She had stared at this ceiling often in the past two months. Oh, so she hated who he was dating, so what? Yes, she still loved him, but sometimes love wasn't enough. And yeah, she should be OK with him dating. He had withstood her dating Evan! But something inside her burned whenever she heard him talk about whoever the mystery lady was. She thought about him a lot too. They had stayed friends, but she sometimes thought about having more, being with him.

_**'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood**_

Casey turned over, snuggling up close to Mr. Puddytat. She loved this stuffed kitty. She had had him since she was three. He was a once-white cat with a black muzzle, paws, and tail tip. He was now an off-white, leaning toward tan. They had gone through a lot. God, it hurt her to know that whatsername could love him and she couldn't. Things weren't the way movies tell you they are. So he had found someone to take her place. She didn't like the feeling. But Casey Cartwright couldn't do a damned thing about it.

_**I thought love was black and white  
That it was wrong or it was right**_

She sat up, wiping away a couple unshed tears. She needed to get out of here. Casey slid on a light sweater. She raced out of the ZBZ house before anyone could question her. Maybe she could go…no. She couldn't. And she couldn't talk to Rusty either. He'd say to tell him. Tell him that she loved him. Why couldn't love be easy? Why did it have to be hard? Casey sighed and put her face in her hands.

_**But you ain't leaving without a fight  
And I think I am just as torn inside**_

Casey shivered slightly. It was colder than she thought. A few minutes later she found herself in front of his house. She froze. Casey turned around, just walking around Cyprus-Rhodes University. He had tried often to convince her she shouldn't have ended things. He had fought for her. And she just threw it back in her face. How could she do that? Because know the girl in the pale gray sweater knew better now. Part of her wanted him, part of her wanted nothing more than to forget about the guy who made her heart flip with the intensity.

_**'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should**_

Her head drooped, her eyes studying her toes absentmindedly. Casey sighed heavily, glancing up at the sky to see dark black clouds hovering above her. They looked close enough to touch. He made her the person she was. The person she wanted to be. He had made her realize her goals, which she had discarded the moment she gave him up. Now, Casey Cartwright thought about those things. Why had she forgotten about those goals until now? She should have kept them, like all the other memories she had kept of him. But no, without him, she was nothing.

_**And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should**_

She slipped past a Tri Pi, sneezing softly. Casey glanced to the side, wishing she could be anywhere but here. He was hurrying toward her, hands stuffed into his pockets, but his eyes bright. She tried to run but felt a hand on her shoulder, holding her back. A hand that had touched her shoulder many times before, but now belonged to someone else. Her heart burned inside her, making her fists clench in jealousy. But she shouldn't feel this way. He was hers through and through and all Casey had was a big fat nothing.

"Well, Miss Cartwright, what is a lovely lady like yourself doing in such weather like this?" he asked, leaning back slightly as he always did when he was talking to someone who he felt comfortable with. Did his new girlfriend notice this? I shrugged.

_**'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood**_

No, Casey could not love him and that was final. Because every time she tried, something told her to burst away, something clicked inside her that she didn't want to click but she couldn't ignore.

"I…I needed to think about things," she answered softly. He studied her intently, his eyes roaming over her body as if to find what she was hiding. Whoever he was dating could give him more than she could, whoever had filled her shoes and had taken the hand lovingly that still rested on her shoulder. "There are things that are confusing me at the moment that I need to figure out," she explained in more detail. "It's a long story."

_**And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call  
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all**_

He nodded suspiciously, eyes narrowed. "Case, are you hiding anything from me?" She swallowed the lump in her throat, taking in his intently fixed eyes and the hair drooping in his face.

"You know I still care about you. Why would I ever hide anything?" Casey lied, scalding her skin in such intensity that she absentmindedly grabbed her arm. "You're my best friend." And she meant it. Because every guy Casey had ever dated paled in comparison to him, who showed her how to be who she was. Yes, if ever he needed something she'd be there in a second. But the one thing he had wanted more than anything she couldn't have given him. And that hurt more than the lie.

_**But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
This is what I have to do**_

He nodded, smiling lightly. "Sorry I asked," he answered. Casey could tell from his furrowed brow that he didn't believe her, but he said nothing. "How's Evan." It wasn't a question, she noticed. Her mind strayed from his question, looking deep into the memories of their relationship. She had learned many things from him, but three stood out, shining brightly in the corners of her mind, sunning the rest of the memories inside. One, he had showed her how to love with a burning passion, one that countered the sun. Two, he had helped her realize who she wanted to be and showed her how to be it. And lastly, he had taught her how to trust in who she was, to listen to her instinct and to always believe in herself.

"Evan and I broke up," Casey Cartwright muttered. She knew he knew by the look of satisfaction etched in his features. There was no ounce of shock on his face. Something dawned on Casey. If she listened to her instinct, believed in herself, and trusted herself, then why had she not trusted her judgment on him? Because her mind had told her to leave him, because of the fright of being too vulnerable, because he had opened up her heart. And she had to say something to him about it. Just so he knew.

_**'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should**_

Casey took a deep breath. "There is something else I need to tell you though." His eyebrows traveled up his forehead until he had widened eyes and a genuinely surprised look. "Um, I don't know how to tell you this, but…" She broke off, just studying him studying her.

"Just tell me," he said, worry shining in his eyes. Those blue eyes that sent her heart into overdrive. He gave her a small smile, encouraging her to go on. But she didn't want to. Not at all. But it was time he knew it. Time for him to know she still had those feelings.

She bit her lip in concentration, trying to piece the words together perfectly. "I." Casey took another deep breath. "I'm not the same without you. I'm not me. I'm someone totally different, someone I don't know. And I know that I should know who I am without you, but I don't." He opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand.

_**And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should**_

She closed her eyes so she didn't have to see his face as she spoke. "And.. And I don't like her. I don't like whoever you're dating because I can't stand that you've found someone else." She heard a sharp intake of breath. "I can't stand that some other girl is holding your hand. And I know that I'm the one who ended it, and I should be able to handle this because you had to, but I can't." Casey opened one eye slightly, peaking. He was dragging one hand across his face. Then his other hand raked through his slightly unkempt hair, his eyes closed. His eyes opened suddenly, locking on her. She quickly closed her eyes.

_**'Cos she will love you more than I could  
**__**She who dares to stand where I stood**_

She felt tears in her closed eyes and she opened them slowly. "And I know another thing. I know that she can love you more than I can. More than I could have ever even dreamed because I have too many people against us. Because I _can't _love you. Even though I want to, something holds me back. So… so whoever you're dating, the one I've never met, the one that has taken my place in your life, st-" Casey didn't expect to feel the lips on hers again. Didn't expect the fire that smoldered within her with each passing second. Didn't expect any of it.

_**Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood**_

Didn't expect to push him away. "We-We can't do this. You have a girlfriend and I can't love you," she whispered. Casey backed away slowly. "Go to her. Love her. Not me because I can't. I won't." His brow furrowed in confusion.

"That's it Casey, isn't it? You have to taunt me, tell me that you love me, that you still want me, dangle yourself in front of me, just to push me away? Just to tell me that the girl standing in your shoes is the one that I should love?" he asked angrily. Casey closed her eyes in pain, not wanting to prolong this. "Who are you to tell me who I should love?" She bit her bottom lip again, not wanting to answer this time. "Are you saying that your reputation in the ZBZ household is more important than yourself? Who you love and who you want to be?"

"I can't. Cappie, this isn't right! I do love you, but…goodbye," she said quietly, turning away before the first tear could fall. She quickly shuffled away, without a backwards glance, her hands stuffed in her pockets and tears flowing slowly down her cheeks. She turned the corner and was gone.


End file.
